I AM SELFISH

            

“I AM SELFISH”

    I am selfish. This is however surprising a statement coming from my very self. I have always given myself due appraisal with regards to my unreserved and unselfish qualities: respect, openness and self-denial.

                 This revelation is much of a shock to me as it is to people who would later find out. As much as I can, I have displayed concern for others, expressed displeasure at any hint of self-centeredness and tried to show how better I am compared to other ‘miserable’ fellows.
The problem lies here. Self-consciousness is an attitude of being conscious of myself; how I am not as unselfish as godless people, mindless as perverts. I, drown in self-glorification and self-righteousness.

                 I unconsciously want people to act the way I would have acted, to be considerate as I would, to show decency and morality. I became the perfect measurement of right and wrong. I am playing God. Sadly, this is unhealthy and ungodly. I expect too much from people, I expect too much from myself; I want the perfect job, the perfect wife who will love me unquestionable and unwaveringly, perfect children who will respect me always. The result is damaging when such expectations are strangled by reality. This predicament was not deliberate. The knowledge of right and wrong, of the ideal, of good and evil bred such self-righteous tendencies. I have to get what I want because I deserved or earned it.  I must balance knowledge with wisdom, consideration and patience; That is mercy.

                In contrast, Christ is a perfect epitome of love and goodness, a balance of righteousness on one hand and mercy on the other. He never appraised wrongdoing but never also discarded the wrongdoer. Christ “tempered justice with great mercy.” The woman caught in adultery would certainly go back being judged if she had met me. I am out of touch with reality; the world desperately needs someone but definitely not me; someone who understands their frailties, their innate weaknesses and their desperate cry for help. They will respond to His love than they will to my self-righteousness. Love is what makes the difference. They need Christ because I am selfish.